Family and Gender in the Renaissance

Nah just kidding. This post is actually about an odd occurrence that left me with the desire to clarify the difference between Facebook and Skype. Now, at the moment, I have 677 friends on Facebook. I've been trying to keep it at a constant 666, but that takes a lot of effort. Here's the thing though, most of those 677 people are not really my friends. Here's the breakdown (I would provide a pie chart if I had the ability):

• About a quarter of the people I've never talked to.
• Another quarter I've probably talked to once.
• Most of them are disgruntled in some way towards a past action of mine.
• And about twenty-four of the people I consider real friends.

So here's what led me to write this post: I logged on to Skype the other day with the intention of video chatting my mother, when I noticed the presence of a small red circle containing a white number one nestled in the corner of my contacts list. It was someone requesting to be my Skype contact. I was jubilant. Someone wants to have the privilege of not only hearing me speak but also looking at me! Without hesitation, I clicked on the request, to which afterwards I became puzzled. Starring back at me was the name of someone, who while they are my friend on Facebook, they are in no way my friend in real life. This person would fall under the first category of people with whom I am Facebook friends but have never actually spoken. I was baffled. Why does this person want the ability to video chat with me? We've never spoken face to face, for what reason could said person desire to speak "face to face"?

My apologies, faithful reader, but this is a ridiculously long post, so in an effort to not clog up the home page, hit the jump to read the entire entry.

I rejected the request. This was not, for once, an act made out of elitism on my part, but rather general confusion. Why would I want to sit and digitally interface with someone I don't know? I barely want to do that with the people I do know. This blog is about as much of a conversation as I can stand to have with somebody, and it is arguably very one-sided. And herein lies the point of this post, the differentiation that I thought was understood by most, but apparently escapes many an individual: Facebook is for everyone; it is a town square, or a public park. It is a community. On Facebook, if you request to be my friend, I'll accept. You might get deleted shortly thereafter in my efforts to keep a constant 666 friends, but rest assured, I will accept. Skype is not a public park, however. Skype is an oasis; it is my bedroom. The relationship that exists between myself and my Skype contacts is a very intimate one, and one that is reserved only for my closest confidants. You know, people I actually want to speak to. It is not for everyone, and most certainly not for the individual who sparked this whole rant. I thought this was a concept that was widely understood, but apparently not. I am just glad, for the sake of people like the individual at the center of this discussion, that I am here to clarify such confusing topics.

In another, related note, my mother is having the problem that every time we Skype, she receives calls from people she does not know, and the one time that she accidentally answered there was a penis staring back at her. Imagine that, a penis! I tried to assure her that it was just Sam and his odd sense of humor, but she said the caller's name was in fact not, "Samwilliams973," but, "Biggycowboy11," and that there are numerous other callers whose calls she does not answer. Sam also confirmed that the penis in question was not his. Now, I, nor none of my other Skype contacts, have ever received calls from unknown penises. Why then are these terrorists targeting my poor mother of all people? Well, I'll tell you why: "Biggycowboy11," and his perverted companions, "Largeguy9," "MrEiffelTower71," and, "SirGeorgeMichael33" are all the same offender. "What? How can that be?" you might be asking. "Max, tell me! Who is the culprit terrorizing your mother!?" Well, the offender in question, I've deduced, is none other than the very individual whose Skype request I so carelessly ignored. It must be! There's no other explanation for these attacks. And now, alas, it appears as if I must go back and request this individual to be my contact on Skype, the very individual I so pompously rejected, in hopes of distilling any and all bad blood.

Or, I mean, whatever. I guess there's also a pretty good chance that it's not him, but just a bunch of old perverts. Yeah, I'll go with that.