Missing: Arizona Chocolate Milk

After the first "Missing" post resonated so strongly with readers, I decided to delve further into the disappearance of childhood treats and address a mystery that has long bothered me: Arizona Chocolate Milk. It existed, of that I'm sure. I have a very pristine memory of going to 7-11 after school with my mother and getting Arizona Chocolate Milk and enjoying it incredibly on account of it was delicious. And it's not that this chocolate milk came in a carton or box like other chocolate milk, and is therefore confusing me. No, it came in a can! The same type of can that Arizona Iced Tea is sold in. And it's not that I drink, or have drunk, a lot of Arizona Iced Tea and am simply thinking of that. No, I am sure that this product once existed.

I Googled it. I started the search with a Google but it yielded no results. This misstep did not discourage me, however, as Google is often wrong and is the home of very little information. I then turned to someone who is never wrong and knows everything: My mother. She too said that I'm mistaken, and that my memory is flawed. Apparently we never got Arizona Chocolate Milk from 7-11. Apparently there never even was any Arizona Chocolate Milk to get from 7-11. I disputed: "No! I don't believe it! Your memory is flawed!" She continued, insisting that I was wrong. "No! I won't believe it!" I shouted.

I know that this chocolate milk once existed. I will not be fooled by the wiping of all evidence from Google, or by the erasure of my mother's memory. And please, don't let yourself be fooled either, reader. For now this case remains unsolved, but it is very much open and active. One day, faithful reader, we will track down this chocolate milk, and together, we will drink it.

Of course, there is the possibility that the drink I so clearly remember was simply Arizona Iced Tea and because I was seven years old I had no idea what was going on and believed it to be chocolate milk. But that's probably not the case.

Missing: 3D Doritos

Seriously, where'd they go? I was doing something the other day, I don't know what, it could've been anything really: whistling, scowling, running. Actually, it definitely wasn't running. Whatever. The point is, during this time of doing something, I heard a noise, a crunching noise, that instantly propelled my mind deep into its memory vault, conjuring up the image of 3D Doritos. 3D Doritos! Do you remember these? They were completely different from normal Doritos. They were puffy, like little crunchy pillows, or like a normal Dorito that had a large air pocket in its center (hence the whole 3D part), and if you can even imagine this, they tasted better than normal Doritos!

But like all supplemental snacks that turn out to be better than the original, snacks such as Crispy M&M's, Starburst Fruit Twists, and Reese's Crunchy Cookie Cups, 3D Doritos eventually disappeared from store shelves, and in time, memories. Now, however, with the current societal lust for 3D technology (which is another blog post entirely), it is the perfect time for Doritos to bring back this superb product, perhaps even through a tie in with Hasbro's recently unveiled 3D Optimus Prime mask (also, another blog post).

My real point here is that I loved these chips. You are looking at a boy-man who has felt cold and broken inside ever since these disappeared. Or, well, ever since I heard that crunching sound the other day and remembered that these even once existed. If for some reason you have any bags of these left, even if you just have a couple of loose chips, I don't care, just let me know. Or if perhaps you know where to find these, feel free to comment below. I thought it might be a bit extreme to file a missing persons report, obviously, but perhaps together we can track down these exceptionally superb chips and help them safely get to my home. Where I will eat them.