Missing: 3D Doritos

Seriously, where'd they go? I was doing something the other day, I don't know what, it could've been anything really: whistling, scowling, running. Actually, it definitely wasn't running. Whatever. The point is, during this time of doing something, I heard a noise, a crunching noise, that instantly propelled my mind deep into its memory vault, conjuring up the image of 3D Doritos. 3D Doritos! Do you remember these? They were completely different from normal Doritos. They were puffy, like little crunchy pillows, or like a normal Dorito that had a large air pocket in its center (hence the whole 3D part), and if you can even imagine this, they tasted better than normal Doritos!

But like all supplemental snacks that turn out to be better than the original, snacks such as Crispy M&M's, Starburst Fruit Twists, and Reese's Crunchy Cookie Cups, 3D Doritos eventually disappeared from store shelves, and in time, memories. Now, however, with the current societal lust for 3D technology (which is another blog post entirely), it is the perfect time for Doritos to bring back this superb product, perhaps even through a tie in with Hasbro's recently unveiled 3D Optimus Prime mask (also, another blog post).

My real point here is that I loved these chips. You are looking at a boy-man who has felt cold and broken inside ever since these disappeared. Or, well, ever since I heard that crunching sound the other day and remembered that these even once existed. If for some reason you have any bags of these left, even if you just have a couple of loose chips, I don't care, just let me know. Or if perhaps you know where to find these, feel free to comment below. I thought it might be a bit extreme to file a missing persons report, obviously, but perhaps together we can track down these exceptionally superb chips and help them safely get to my home. Where I will eat them.