Do Not Rest in Peace, Ronald McDonald

It has come to my attention that Ronald McDonald has died. No, not literally died. It is not a literal death of which I speak, but rather, a societal one. As McDonalds attempts to separate itself from its origins as a fast-food restaurant, and adopt a more healthy, upscale image, little room is left for Ronald the Cholesterol Clown.

Good riddance.

I've never particularly been a fan of Ronald. In fact, you could say I hated him. As much as one could hate a fictional restaurant clown, that is. My loathing stemmed not from an aversion for McDonalds as a company (for which I have nothing but respect), but rather from the constant repetition of the clown's commercials during every single commercial break, further delaying my cartoons from returning. Sometimes they were even played twice in one break! It made watching Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon increasingly more difficult, to the point where now, as a twenty year-old boy it has become almost unenjoyable. Almost.

The commercials were weird too. They always featured Ronald with some strange, unheard of piece of technology, like a giant pogo-stick resembling the McDonalds logo, for instance, hanging out with a bunch of kids. He was always with a bunch of kids. This was a bit unsettling. And I know, he's a clown, and clowns are supposed to be around kids. But we're talking about a clown who, for the past forty or so years, hasn't aged. And it's been the same guy the whole time, I'm sure of it. Someone really should get in touch with the parents of those children.

He also wasn't very funny. And by not very funny I mean that instead of making me smile, or laugh, as was his intention, he made me frown, and sometimes cry because I fucking hated him.

Whoa. Sorry. I'm getting too worked up over here.

It's not that I don't like clowns either. Though we've had a tumultuous history, for the moment, my relationship with the clown community is solid. And in terms of the other McDonalds characters - The Hamburglar, Grimace, Birdie, Mayor McCheese - things have never been better. The Hamburglar, especially, has long been there for me as my friend, and as my confidant.

So now, watching Ronald's once-bright star fade, as he is replaced with younger singers and dancers who people may actually find attractive, I can do nothing but smile. It seems for once, Ronald has done his job.

A big thanks to my friend Julian, who you might remember was featured in a past Jam of the Week, for turning me on to this article, in turn sparking this whole rant and giving me something to post today.